Before you say anything like, "What? I think it's funny and really smart!" I want you to read the rest of this page and check out the website.

Yes, that is an ad for Sprite. Sprite, you say? Yes, Sprite. The lemon-lime soda that opens the doors at Coca-Cola's parties? But how? I have no clue.

The above sign is on the subway trains here in Stockholm and I can assure you that my attention was "grabbed" when I first saw it. What, I thought to myself, is that all about? I wondered this because of the following:

There was no product mentioned - well done Sprite. I would not have bothered to think twice if I knew the ad was for a soda.

The web address was in English - but ended with the Swedish country code of .se. Just about anything can happen when they do that.

Being that this type of thing was pretty much the reason I got an iPhone (that and taking pictures of this type of thing) I hurried to the sellyourmother.se website. What could it be? I'd been reeled in and I needed to know. What happened next can be taken two ways. If you believe in Steve Jobs you would say, "What a bunch of morons." If you don't, you would say, "Stupid Steve Jobs." You see, the website is entirely built in Flash and not viewable on the iPhone. (To be honest here, I'm pretty sure most cellphones would not be able to view the website. Which makes one wonder just how smart it was for Sprite to advertise heavily on a subway where people would be using a cellphone to view the site. Ahhh doiiii.) Anyways, I had to wait till I got home to see just what the hell was up with this site. At this time I was still unaware that Sprite was behind it.

10 minutes later

Home. To computer. Type in domain. Site comes up. What the F. It's best if you just hit up the link above, that would save me having to explain it. BUT, here's the deal. You can umm...win prizes by uploading a picture of your mother - if your mother gets the most votes you win a new MacBook (ironic) and your mother wins a spa holiday (why don't they get a MacBook?). By participating you also receive a cellphone voucher for a free Sprite (more irony). Weekly prizes are less exciting. Mom wins a $30 gift certificate and you win some ugly ass Reeboks - seriously they have Iron Maiden stuff on them.

I don't actually know where the selling comes in. The site is really confusing and it has way too much going on. But, you can get free Sprite so I guess it's not all bad. Hopefully my mom doesn't mind me entering her so that I can win that MacBook. I think the picture of her giving money to a guy dressed up like Darth Vader is a sure winner.

Oh, apparently "Sprite is so good you'd sell your mother for it."

UPDATE - I have added the awesome image to the right of my mom for sale to the site. Now to just await the winnings...
VOTE FOR MY MOM HERE

Permalink    Labels: Stockholm, Wackiness, Food

There is a very peculiar issue in Sweden when it comes to spelling. I imagine something similar to it exists in other Germanic language speaking countries. Here I like to call it the compound word problem.

As with most Germanic languages Swedish uses the compound word structure when creating nouns. That means that you call a meatball a "meatball" and not a "meat ball". But you also call a chicken meatball a "chickenmeatball". The Swedish term for this problem: särskrivningsproblematik, split compound problematics, is an excellent example.

The problem is when you create separate words rather than compound ones. This poses an even greater problem as it often completely changes the intended meaning. For example "chickenliver", if written "chicken liver" in Swedish, means "the chicken lives". This is dangerous if you are referring to say frozen chicken livers. (That example is probably the oldest most worn out joke in Swedish history. The mere mention of chicken livers will more than likely provoke someone to go through the whole song and dance.) The vast amount of English present in this country has caused this type of issue to become and more common. If you want to identify with this problem as an English speaker compare "blue berries" to "blueberries" and "ham burger" to "hamburger".

On the other side of the coin, in Swedish, you also have the problem of creating compound words when the words should be separated. As the sign above on a well known English (style) pub in Stockholm shows. It is completely accurate, in Swedish, as a food lover is known as a matälskare (one word) and a öljägare (one word) is the direct translation of a beer hunter. It looks very wrong in English and is very ironic considering the bar styles itself to be an English pub and even goes so far as to have their signs in English in a non-English speaking country - and then makes a rather severe grammar mistake. This of course is a rather harmless example and most people can easily decipher the meaning of the sign. A bigger problem would be if you were taking a class that was held six times in the evening. Say a French class, because you wanted to learn the language of love and Gérard Depardieu. Then you would be speaking French on these six evenings. (You can see where this is going.) You would, however, not want to write that you were speaking French on "sexkvällar", because that is probably what Gérard Depardieu, and whoever he is together with, are doing. And you are most certainly not.

So, when to put words together and when to keep them apart. Are they together in English or are they separate? If they are separate in English should they be separate in Swedish...and vice versa or viceversa or is it vice-versa. You can see why it's a problem. For every one.

Permalink    Labels: Food, Stockholm, Wackiness

There are a lot of 7-Elevens in Stockholm. Lots. They even sell BigBites™ and other assorted sausage products. Granted they also sell a number of things you wouldn't find at your typical 7-Eleven, such as: cinnamon buns, croissants and Actimel yogurt. But, there is one HUGE difference between a Swedish 7-Eleven and (what I call) a real 7-Eleven: real 7-Elevens sell Slurpees.

Yes, it's very sad. In fact it's a travesty. I don't know what the Swedish branch of this company did to anger the owners, but revoking their Slurpee license is pretty harsh punishment. It really isn't fair to all of us who require a slush drink on a hot day.

Just look at the picture to the right. It brings a tear to the eye. In place of a Slurpee machine we have a generic "Slush" machine. (And no, they are not the same by any stretch of the imagination.) Seriously, "Slush". I'd rather have one of those Snoopy Sno-cone Machines and make my own - see inlay to left. (I freaking could, since they still sell those things. They're cheap too, only like $15 at Toys-r-us. Which they also have in Sweden, but I'd venture to say that they don't sell snow cone machines. But, that's another issue.)

I can live without the Big Gulps and the novelty lighters and other assorted crap, but I truly feel that a 7-Eleven is not a 7-Eleven without the trademark whirling Slurpee machine in the back. Arctic climate or no arctic climate, every country (with a 7-Eleven) has the right to enjoy a proper icy slush - and that does not mean a Slush Puppie™ or generic "Slush" thing.

Are we alone? No. A number of countries that have 7-Elevens are also seemingly banned from the Slurpee club. Notably Ireland, Japan, China, South Korea and Turkey.

Am I alone? No. In fact there are a lot of whiners people in Sweden who are as disgruntled about being Slurpee-less as I am. How many? Well, an on-line petition started a number of years ago (and signed by yours truly) has umm....235 signatures. Me thinks that is not enough to get the franchise owner's attention - but you get the point.

Oh well. Not much I can do really, besides spend $15,000 on a real Slurpee machine, or $100 on one of those personal ones.

So, if you're listening 7-Eleven fat cats, may it be known that I am not happy with the current situation here in Sweden and feel that my needs are not being met. Damn you.

Permalink    Labels: Stockholm, Confusion, Slurpee, Food

I do not know where these people come from or what they do the rest of the year, but when the snow comes they remove it from the top of roofs. This is a fairly common sight in Stockholm in February and it serves two purposes, avoid collapsed roofs and avoid icicle buildup that could potentially result in 20 lbs. of ice falling on someone's head.

The only thing between them and a fast trip 5 floors down is a thin rope they have wrapped around them mountaineer style. Considering they are on a slanted roof covered with ice and snow it amazes me that there aren't about 100 near-fatal incidents a year. On the contrary I've never heard of a single incident. Regardless, I am glad that this is something I can be content to watch from a warm office and not take part in.

Permalink    Labels: Stockholm, Snow, Weather, 1 Minute Video

Blatant strange English a la Engrish.com can be some pretty amusing stuff. However, when it comes to Europe and strange examples of English the above is a pretty good one. There is actually a logical, read illogical, reason for it.

The huge banner pictured above can be found at Arlanda Airport (Stockholm's main international airport) and hangs above the SAS check-in counters. Pictured are famous Swedes who, supposedly, make Stockholm their home. While the first part of the message, "We hope you have enjoyed our hometown.", is fine and dandy (albeit a bit like asking if someone enjoyed their dinner at a restaurant), the second part is where the problem is. You are, in effect, being goodbyed and then helloed in the same statement.

This mistake is actually fairly common in Sweden, although it is kind of amazing to see it at the international airport on permanent display. Small shop owners in the more touristy parts of town can get away with a small hand written sign on the inside of their shop doors, but this, this is kind of embarrassing. But, as I said, it does deserve some clarification.

In the Swedish language there is a two word phrase, välkommen åter, which translates as the equivalent of "We hope to see you again" or simply "Please come again". However, it directly translates to "welcome back". If it weren't for the fact that the literal translation becomes the complete opposite of the intended meaning things would probably be ok. Case in point, when this is found upon leaving a shop you are essentially being welcomed back to the real world outside and not to the shop itself...in the future.

This is the part of the show where someone who is Swedish gets really upset and says something like, "Hey, Stockgnome, your Swedish isn't perfect either and you say some really stupid things occasionally because you directly translate from English. Maybe you should shut up." That's fine, maybe I should. But, the point is: I don't make huge signs for international airports in Swedish. Then again, what if I did? What if that was my job. I know what I would do before I placed an order for a really expensive gigantic sign that would be seen by thousands of people everyday - I would have someone who had Swedish as their first language read it first and tell me if it made sense.

Permalink    Labels: Stockholm, Wackiness, Confusion

Taken from the roof at a friends apartment building this shows your typical New Years Eve fireworks display in Stockholm (where buying fireworks is legal). The city itself doesn't have an official display so this is all done by people from their balconies or back gardens.

Starting at just before midnight (well, technically people start before Christmas) this continues for about an hour (technically for a few days as people blow up everything they have). If you listen closely you can hear the church bells in the background.

Happy New Years!

Permalink    Labels: 1 Minute Video, Stockholm

Permalink    Labels: Confusion, Stockholm, Wackiness, Food

I don't get this for so many different reasons. Firstly, I don't know why it is being built at the end of December when it's -9°C and there is a foot of snow on the ground. Secondly, I don't know why it has images on it to begin with. Thirdly, I don't understand how this got past the initial design phase to be built in this area of Stockholm. Lastly, I cannot figure out how the "story" on the building ends.

Let's go through this step by step starting at the top:
1) The guy gives the girl a star.
2) They fall in love sitting down.
3) They dance...and stuff...
4) She is preganant.
5) ???

We have a theory here at the office that he is taking care of the baby while she watches. From a bench, or toilet. We aren't really sure. Or that he is baking bread. Or packing his bags to go. Or making a sandwich and that she is waiting for the bus. I guess someone out there knows. I just want to know why?

If you are wondering where you can view this attraction in person, it is on Lugnets Allé in Hammarby Sjöstad south of Stockholm - or in the south of Stockholm depending on your politics.

Permalink    Labels: Stockholm, Confusion, Bad Architecture

Note that the links no longer work...

I thought of this considering the weather and that we are coming in on the homestretch of Christmas.

This was done about 3 years ago for a publishing/magazine company I worked for as a Christmas promotion.

The entire image is actually done with layers, textures and effects in Photoshop. (It actually works quite well as a freehand painting program...) The overlay is a simple Flash grid that presents the current date (still accurate) as a link to a specific offer for books or a contest.

The view is supposed to be from the inside of a hobby shop looking out onto the streets of Stockholm with the city hall in the background. (And a fox beneath a streetlight for reasons I can't recall.)

The most amusing part of making this was the snow, especially the footprints and the slight changes in color and texture.

Permalink    Labels: Projects, Snow, Stockholm

This is the umm...beautiful view from work on this windy, cold and snowy day. Looking south you can barely make out the ski slope in the background and a huge water tower further on. Not to belittle this particular area of south Stockholm but it looks like Vladivostok on a day like this. It also feels like it.

It has snowed all day, I think in the end we accumulated about 8-10 inches in some places. The rest of this week is supposed to be below freezing. So, with some luck, we may actuall have snow on the ground for Christmas for the first time in a number of years.

Permalink    Labels: 1 Minute Video, Snow, Weather, Stockholm

We've been getting the first real snow of the year over the last few days. I think they are currently forecasting a "class 1" snowfall for the day here. That indicates slippery conditions and possible delays/problems with traffic and other communications.

Stockholm doesn't actually tend to get much snow, although it's a welcome site as it brightens up the constant dusk that is in place between November and March.

The film to the right was taken on the way to work this morning. It is filmed from the tram that skirts the side of the city.

Permalink    Labels: 1 Minute Video, Snow, Weather, Stockholm, Trains

Hung on a wall at Liljeholmen subway station, Stockholm:



Translation:

Dentist If you want to visit a very skilled dentist that also has humane prices, go to Västertorp Centrum across from the subway station.

Do you want a dentist that is desperate enough to hang hand made signs up with tape on subway station walls? I thought this country had some form of socialized health care. How can dentists be reduced to this...type of advertising.

Permalink    Labels: Whackiness, Stockholm, Advertisements

About a week ago I was walking in the area adjacent to the central station here in Stockholm. At this time of year, the cold and wet season, plattan (as it is known) has a sort of Christmas market going on. The sweatshirt to the right was one of the fine items on sale.

It always strikes me as a bit disturbing that there are people who actually make clothes that involve blatant profanity (and provacation.) Granted you won't find something like this at The Gap, but you will find it scattered throughout the countries of the world that don't have English as a first language. (Japan is a great example...) Even more disturbing is the fact that people buy them...and then somehow find a suitable occasion to wear them.

Now, back to the sweatshirt on the right, there are so many things that are wrong with those six words put together that my head spins. First off, Swedes have an affinity with English swear words. They dot main stream media in everything from book and film titles to advertising and even actual journalism. They do not have the taboo that exists elsewhere with their public use and thereby lack the weight they would normally have. (They have even been Swedified and incorporated into the language. Example: when something has gone completely wrong it is uppfuckad. No translation needed there...) However, this particular phrase goes beyond that. If it had just said "Fuck You" then I wouldn't have bothered to take a picture. But no, it say's "Fuck You I Drive A Volvo." How does one decipher that message?

I can only assume that there are some tourists picking these up because they are so bizarre. It would be like going to France and buying a t-shirt that says "Fuck You I Eat Croissants!" I mean, there can't honestly be someone on this planet that drives a Volvo that is so content, satisfied and down right ready to defend his choice of vehicle (unmitigated) that he would ever actually say that - let alone wear it. That's like getting in a fight at a bar over what conditioner you use or what type of sunblock offers the best protection. In addition to that, this is Sweden, where 1 in every 4 cars are made by Volvo. (Roughly 1 million.) So, feeling outnumbered and misunderstood isn't really an issue. No, it's just not possible. At no point, ever, has anyone ever uttered that phrase or probably even thought it.

In the end, I will have to write it down as irony. If it had been SAAB things would have been different...

Permalink    Labels: Stockholm, Whackiness

Occasionally (read at least once a month) I see advertisements on the subway here in Stockholm that completely throw me off. It's as if for a moment I am living in a parallel dimension where things I know shouldn't actually be allowed, happen anyways.

Enter this ad for the Rubik's Cube - note it is the original - that appeared some time back as part of a campaign for Teknik Magasinet. I was hoping that additional items, such as the Lite Brite or Etcha-a-Sketch, would also be considered "Orginal gangsta shit!" but alas the Cube was the only product to receive the honors.

Who it was in the chain of reviewers and designers that thought that this was:

A good idea

Good marketing

deserves some credit. If I hadn't actually seen this numerous times with my own two eyes I would have thought the image was Photoshopped. But, trust me here folks, this is just too bizarre....

* Yes, it's true, an original Rubik's Cube does cost like $30 in Sweden.

Permalink    Labels: Stockholm, Advertisements, Whackiness